Today was June, tenth. It was my graduation ceremony and also my teacher’s birthday. Our class leader wanted to give my teacher, Tess, a pleasantly surprised.
Firstly, we takes a lot of electric torches to put in cordiform shapes. Then we put a huge cake in the middle. As soon as Tess went to class slowly, all the students arrange a large circle. We shook hands one by one and they sang a birthday song for our teacher. I thought we were so glad at that moment. When we finished singing a song, we prepared to join our graduation ceremony.
Our graduation ceremony was took places in the evening. First, everyone took a chair by themselves and sat down. We listened to principle chef and many kinds of teachers to speech with us for a long time. Tess who wore a black dress was so beautiful at that day. She talked with all the students after they finished their speech. My classmates and I were so touching because Tess shares many secrets which she never talked to us. Finally, it was very important to take our senior high school diploma. Each of our school teachers called their students to get it. This action told us that we had graduated from high school.
It is the best experience in my life. I think that we will have beautiful memories for each other.
Hi Jessica,
回覆刪除這次沒有離題，不錯。
但是開頭的寫法有些怪，今天並不是六月十號啊?
請寫: It happened on June the tenth--my senior (或junior?) high school graduation ceremony as well as my teacher's birthday
其他如下:
1. Our class leader wanted to give my teacher, Tess, a pleasantly surprised.
==> 詞性不對，請用a pleasant surprise
2. Firstly, we takes a lot of electric torches to put in cordiform shapes.
==>takes時態度對，而且居然用WE takeSSSSSSSSSS?
3. Then we put a huge cake in the middle. As soon as Tess went to class slowly, all the students arrange a large circle.
==>arrange時態不對
==>As soon as...加上slowly...這情境描述不對
""她一慢慢的走到教室""，所有的學生就圍成一個大圈
...好神奇喔...
4. We shook hands one by one and they sang a birthday song for our teacher.
==>We...they是誰?
5. Our graduation ceremony was took places in the evening.
==>Our graduation ceremony took place in the evening.
6. We listened to principle chef and many kinds of teachers to speech with us for a long time.
==> We listened to the speeches of the principle and many teachers for a long long.
7. Tess who wore a black dress was so beautiful at that day.
==> Tess wore a black dress on that day and she looked very beautiful.
8. My classmates and I were so touching because Tess shares many secrets which she never talked to us.
==> touching跟touched要分清楚
9. I think that we will have beautiful memories for each other.
==>for 改of each other